My testimony

Testimony

To conform, to play the part, to wear the mask, to do as you're told, to speak the correct language, to obey without question, to understand the privileges of being adopted into a family.

To discover one’s true identity, to look beyond the mask

To hear from ones mother, “...you're not my boy…” if you do this or that, to disappoint, to be disappointed

To analyse, to scrutinize, to try and understand the things that are not understandable, to be sensitive, to be kind, to be used, to be made fun of, to think family should support family without question and without payment, being laughed at because family don't do that.

To look up and believe in siblings that never accepted you in the first place, to look back, to look forward, to look into the inner darkness and be seduced by it

To be afraid of discovering the true nature of self and then to be given a taste of what it might be like

But in order for my true self to be found, I first need to allow myself the right to remove the mask.

I have been bathed in religious fervour, Christian beliefs, morals, rules, regulations and all-too-often this has let me to miss out on life-changing experiences.

It also saved me from bad lifestyle choices, I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs.

But in order for something to be fixed. it first has to be broken and I have been broken by lies and deceit.

When I was 18 I was filled with zealous reasoning that I should help convert the world, but I could tell that this righteous indignation, would leave me destitute of friends so it was with this in mind that when I went on a camp organised by the Education Program for Unemployed Youth, I left my beliefs at home. EPUY in a nutshell was supposed to be a way of preparing youth for the workforce. Instead, there were more personal dramas with friendships and love affairs than anything else.

Years went by and finally I found my birth family. With absolute joy and overwhelming excitement, I embarked on a journey of self discovery, finding out just who is this guy named Brian Larwood.

In late 2021 and through to the beginning of 2022, I found myself almost abandoning my beliefs altogether, for the sake of some truly unbelievable experiences.

However, when these things came to an end, I felt lost and a heart crushing sense of despair.

I found myself not blaming God, not blaming the church, not hating anyone, instead I found myself running as fast as I could to the arms of my loving Saviour, Jesus Christ.

I since have made the choice to follow Him through the darkest of times.

In future videos and posts to social media and on this website, I will share with you, my journey out of the darkness.